Today I was waiting at a busstop in City Hall for 174, which was taking his own sweet time to come, and it was 8:30pm and pretty late for me. I was getting really fried up and twitchy when this 147 or something bus dropped by and stopped to pick up passenger, then I was being weird like me and staring into the lit up bus at this random caucasian guy who is quite friendly looking. I think I was trying the whether he can see me from the brigouting error to the dark busstop I was standing. Imagine the awkwardness when I realised he can! So I was staring at him for about 10 seconds and he was staring back but idk whether he can see me or not but apparently he can so when I finally registered that I was really embarrassed and not sure whether to turn away or what so I did my instinctive thing and smiled at him. Idk what made me do it but I just smiled at a total stranger! People usually get creeped out don't they? I had always assumed that. But to my utter surprise he smiled back, and it really made me feel kinda warm inside. It's those smile that ask "are you having a good day? Hope you are, because I am" and not "ehehehe you got nice boobs and it's late hint hint" kind of smile. 

The exchange lasted for about 2 seconds only. Two complete strangers suddenly smiling at each other, it feels like we have some kind of special something. After 147 left I was grinning idiotically to myself at the other passengers waiting for buses and not giving a care about what they are thinking. I don't know, that smile made me so happy. Sometimes it makes me wonder maybe people aren't that cold deep down inside. Maybe they all wanted to be smiled at but just afraid of taking the first move. Maybe society and newspaper has shaped them into thinking that strangers=bad guys but remember, we people only use bad happenings as examples. Everyday, millions and trillions of small, sweet good deeds get disregarded whilst one negative harassment owns the headlines. Obviously everyone will be terrified and wary. But then again, we are all human beings and majority of us are normal and we wish to be happy or comfortable. I think we would be able to judge a friendly smile from a bad-intented smile. The vibes and all that. Smiling won't hurt anyway, you probably won't ever see the person again. No harm being different and risk the possibility of brightening up someone's day right?

Oh btw if you steady readers (if any, probably none) hasn't already realised that my emotions are even more unsteady than a three legged upside down house standing at a earthquake epic centre, well here I officially declare it is. I don't know but someways I just feel so depressed and down whilst other days I'm filled with hope and empathy for mankind that I'm just so glad to be alive and  all that. Wow welp cries. Its like watching Doctor Who where they insert ridiculous humours in tragedy plots.

Anger for me, however, is quite a tiring thing. I feel unfair at times, indignant, dissed. But fury and hatred are just too strong for me now. I used to rage at everyone who ticked me off, classmates that bitches, parents' unreasonable demands etc. but now I just feel I'm not up to that and prefer to close up to myself and getting extremely annoyed. I'm not emo! I will never say I'm emo because I don't think about killing myself or cutting or anything (okey maybe I considered burning the world but that was exaggerating, at most I just want to chuck some eggs at jerks and hope they step on Lego or something) 

It makes me so exasperated when teachers and people around me think I am having emotional breakdown or turmoil or turning down to a bad path simply because I talked less and remained silent. I do that only to recollect my thoughts! I need somedays like this before I stored up enough energy to get me back on my tracks again :/

Alright long long rubbishy post. Hope I actually survive today because it's 5:39am and I didn't sleep a wink the entire night. Cheerios Eiko :!

Ah btw guys, SMILE